In the beginning…God created. It’s funny how He does that. He sees what is out there, almost as if to say…”I wonder what would happen if…” Of course, He doesn’t actually wonder, He knows all to well the plans He has and exactly how and when it will all come to pass. And I love that.
I am able to see, this morning, how God has been working to create something in my life. Something totally other than I ever expected. I’m seeing steps that were ordered so carefully in my life…that at the time seemed haphazard and lacking direction. I’m seeing people, places, experiences that culminate in where and who I am today. The process has been painful, more so than I would have liked, but that’s how I know this very real truth.
God is preparing me for what He’s preparing for me.
I’ve never seen it so clearly. I’ve been told I have a purpose, a calling, something special that only I can do. My parents have been telling me this my entire life. Quite literally. And they mean it…every time. Today, I actually think they might be right.
Daddy was a pastor while I was growing up. From the time I can remember we pastored small churches across this country. We moved every 3 or 4 years, not because our denomination said we had to, but simply because Jesus did. It was hard to see at the time (especially for me because I was a kid), but this was very intentionally planned by God. You see, my father’s ministry, and therefor the ministry of our family, was to go to places that were broken and bring restoration. And Jesus did that through our family…over and over and over again.
Little did we know that the last church he would pastor would be the beginning of something so much bigger than that. My freshman year of college he was approached by at least 2 different well-known ministries asking him to consider working full time for their respective organizations. That was the weirdest year…I remember like it was yesterday.
Now, I love my dad..don’t get me wrong, but we had had what seemed like a relatively uneventful history…preaching in small churches in small towns…ministering to Christians and teaching them how to be in healthy relationship with God and with each other. And while I’m not discounting it…it was important, it just didn’t seem like the kind of background someone would need for the types of jobs that were on the table.
After almost 12 years, it has become abundantly clear, that the first 20 years or so of his ministry was the training ground for what he would do in the second half. He would not trade those years of working along side God’s people, because those experiences are ones he draws on every day in his current position. He could never been equipped in this way had things been different.
And that is how I feel today. I have had several years of wondering if God had forgotten about me. If He really did remember the loneliness and pain I was feeling so very often. I even backed away from Him. Feeling hurt by my experiences and like He wasn’t listening to my heart. All the while, knowing it wasn’t true, but unable to see His hand at work in my life. I became guarded in my relationship with Him. As if I need to protect myself from something. And today I see it. I see that He has so not forgotten me. That He has been ever so carefully and expertly creating something that is a unique masterpiece of my past and my present, my scars and my smiles, my hurt and my healing.
All for the purpose and plan for my future.
A future I did not see coming, but look towards unwaveringly. Something that I could not understand until I was completely broken at His feet. One that I did not choose, but that I was chosen for. And I revel in that today. With nervous energy, because we are…
in the beginning…