The anxious anticipation

It’s raining this morning. That quiet gentle rain that soothes you back to sleep. It’s darker than usual too. And as I sit here…tapping out my morning conversation I am in awe…

I am in awe of how precisely Jesus provides for me. I am a product of several abusive relationships. Not with my parents, thankfully, they are a constant source of encouragement and healthy relationship. But there have been others along the way that have left their marks and scars on my heart and soul.

Because of this, and because of the gender of most of those relationships, there is a healing that cannot be accomplished by my relationship with any of the Godly men in my life. And so, as He so expertly does…Jesus has knit my heart to a woman.

She is an amazing, godly woman…perhaps not who you would expect, at first, to minister to my heart and soul, but she so does. She has traveled a familiar road. And she has the scars to prove it.

It is this that has brought us together. The road of hurt and pain, of isolation and secrecy, of marks and scars. A road that is only understood by those that have walked it…all too well. And here is where you find a part of healing.

It’s the part where someone else truly understands.

It’s not something you wish for anyone to share with you. But when you do find a soul acquainted with your hurt an instant bond exists. And when that person is passionately pursuing Jesus…you feel instantly at home.

And that is what I have.

In Jesus’ perfect timing. Not a moment too soon, because I was not ready to share my heart this way prior to this time in my life. Not a moment too late, because much longer in my seeming peace with the past and I would be poised for another beating. My Savior knows my heart and He knows just the right time and just the right way to open relationships and ready my heart for the next part of His plan for me.

It is in this…His perfect timing, that I am struck that there is more for me. Work yet to be done, things yet undiscovered and unplanned. There is a newness…a freshness to my walk with Jesus. A feeling that something incredible is just around the bend. Barely out of sight…but there just the same.

And I am in awe today. And I wait…with anxious anticipation.


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