So no long deep thoughts today…just a collection of conversations I’ve been thinking about.
Trust is the hardest thing to reinstate on the healing side of abuse.
It’s hard to receive, but almost impossible to give. And in the moments where you know that you should be able to “insert trust here” you just can’t. Reinstating trust is exhausting. Seriously.
You can “want to”…all you want to, but until something or someone breaks down that wall…it’s just not going to happen. And no matter how long ago it was or how deep the abuse was felt…it just seems like something you will never be able to do again.
Until you finally do.
And what an amazing experience that is…a little nerve racking, a little scary, a little more than it seems you can handle again. But if you can find the strength to push through all that…amazing things happen.
Your whole body relaxes…for what seems to be the first time in your whole life. And with that release of tension comes amazing relief. Something you dared not ever hope for. But there it is. And when the person you have risked to hand trust to doesn’t abuse it or you, a healing you never dreamed possible is born. Its a reality you never thought you would be able to live and rest in, and yet, somehow you do. It’s a beautiful thing…
It’s the truth of trust.