As I was painting last night, I was thinking about some stuff. Like…why have I gone so long without doing this. I’m in my 7th year of teaching and it’s basically been that long since I really worked on anything that was just me doing art.
I love art…I love to go see it, I love to watch my kids make it….but most of all I love to create it myself. And I never do that anymore. I never sit down and draw just to draw.
I used to do that all the time. I used to take at least a sketch book with me everywhere. It seemed like I always had something I wanted to work on, an idea I wanted to develop. I was constantly thinking about a piece I wanted to do.
It’s been a long time since that happened.
Someone told me recently that my art is one of the ways I talk to Jesus…tell him what’s on my heart that I can’t put into words. There is so much truth in that.
So, as I sat stuck on something I wasn’t able to get it like I wanted, I sat down to sketch and see if I could figure out how to change it. With my sketchbook and pencil in hand, I drew and erased and looked at what I had created so far…and it occurred to me.
I miss this.
I miss the process of creating. I even miss getting stuck on something and having to work my way out of it. I miss working…with all my responsibilities on the the back burner, letting all of that melt away and just focus on the process of making something from nothing. It did my heart good.
And I was thankful…I guess thanks was the theme of the theme of the day yesterday. But I really was. The creative process helps me manage stress. It helps me clear my head. It totally energizes me. And especially now, when my conversations with Jesus seem constant…it’s very healing. It is a way I pour my heart out to Him. And I love that.
So, despite my job and the plans of the day…I will work. I will do the other things as well, because it’s all part of it. But I will no longer put creating so far down on the list that it falls off. I can’t…it’s part of who I am…
it’s part of my process.