I find that when I get scared or overwhelmed by the move of God in my life that I tend to try to sabotage something great in my life. The initial solution to this is to allow Jesus to keep the waters of my soul still as My Father moves across the face of the deep.
Sometimes I really suck at this…
And recently, in a quiet way (that few, if any can see)…I have done that. It’s not that I necessarily set out to destroy that which has been so graciously entrusted to me. But if I turn my eyes from My Savior for even a moment it happens. My instincts in this negative direction are still much stronger than I would like to admit. I’d like to think that I’ve grown enough to know better…but that’s just it. When this happens, it has little, if anything, to do with my growth or lack thereof.
It has much more to do with my sin nature, my specific wiring and how that plays itself out when I do not trust Jesus with all of my heart.
I’ve talked before about how hard it is for me to truly trust. And again, I find myself having to intentionally remind myself that I CAN and SHOULD trust My Savior. I wish I could just flip the switch on my trust and then hard wire it to stay that way, but that’s the thing about human relationship. Even with Jesus…we, as fallen, broken people are not hardwired to do much of anything except sin.
We have to work hard at our relationship with Christ. And when we don’t the sin nature takes over. Don’t get me wrong…Christ has already done the work of salvation and forgiveness, but in order to maintain our relationship with Him we have to work to daily turn over…whatever it is and ask Him to take the little we have and do…
something only He can do with it.