I’ve mentioned it several times over the last few days, but I’m doing a great study right now for writers. (I know…I’m calling a spade a spade and owning the writing thing…don’t pass out.) It’s actually really great and was compiled and edited by this amazing woman. I am only just getting to know her but she has already been an incredible encouragement to me through the emails we have been sending back and forth. But especially through the pages of this book, her heart for those of us who don’t know what we are doing spill off the page at me.
I know the theme is uncanny, but today’s devotional specifically had the word dream all in it. I can’t help but notice that this was also the focus of Pastor’s message this week. I think God might be trying to tell me something. However, today’s thought lands more in the area of excuses surrounding a dream than anywhere else.
The question/challenge was…what are the excuses you are handing God concerning where He is calling you? I’ve gotta say, that my first reaction to this is…I’m past this part. I was fighting pretty hard against what God was impressing in my spirit for about 2 solid years…that I’m aware of. To the best of my ability I’ve accepted that He is calling me to more than I ever thought was necessary, much less possible. I’m trying my best to be faithful and write what’s on my heart…find my voice…be diligent in what seems to be an excruciating process to start. I’ve become at peace with the fact that I will not be one of those teachers that retires at 105 having dedicated their life to the classroom.
So, what’s left…?
I think…this is such a sharp left turn from what I thought I was supposed to do that there may still be excuses deep within, that I don’t realize I’m living by. I know that has been true of several lessons I’ve learned lately. I had no idea, for instance, that I constantly try to help the Holy Spirit orchestrate my life (I mean seriously….the power that raised Christ from the dead probably has a decent handle on my existence…probably…I’m just sayin). My dream to impact women who struggle with addiction and see them over come it was being strangled to death by my stubborn attitude about what my place was supposed to be in such a ministry (like I wanted to be the administrator/helper and God wants me to full out write and speak in my area of “expertise”). Like I said…the things I didn’t know were just as dangerous as what I did know and was trying to turn over to Him.
So, today, I have prayed…and will continue to pray this simple prayer. That God would diligently excavate the damaged fragile heart I have and bring to the surface every excuse I have in my spirit. That He would show them to me for the obstacles they are and that I would release them to Him…permanently.
Because I can’t keep those excuses….
where the dreams are